Confessions of a “Single” Mom
I am a single mom. Nope, not the typical kind without a husband. I have a perfectly wonderful husband. What I mean is, I am the mother of a single child, an only child. You know, boy mom, girl mom, twin mom, SINGLE mom. We have one perfect, lovely daughter and I do not think we will ever have any more children.
Stop
What expression is on your face right now? If you are looking at your screen like you just saw a ghost, then you probably don’t want to read the rest of this because you are the target of my current frustrations. If you are thinking something along the lines of “of course you want more children!” then click along your merry way, my friend. I am over you.
Allow me to share with you some actual statements directed to me by other moms:
You are selfish for only having one child.
You don’t become a real mom until you have your second child.
It’s not for YOU, you need to have another baby for HER.
Why don’t you want to have 2?
Don’t you want to give her a sibling?
Are you as appalled as I was by these? Am I crazy to think that these are rude and invasive statements? Let me tell you something, mamas, I am a pretty strong person but comments like this can wear you down. I had a moment this week and I broke, I let them get to me and I questioned my choices as a mother.
Was I doing wrong by my daughter for not planning on her sibling? Am I being selfish?
Thankfully, my husband talked me off the ledge, so to speak, and reminded me why I should never let anyone make me feel like a lesser mom simply because we are raising an only child.
An Only Child? Why Don’t You Have More?
No matter how many children you have, there are challenges, but to say motherhood doesn’t really begin until you have more than one child is insulting and insensitive. You do not know my story, my journey, that brought me to motherhood. Most likely it is vastly different from yours and everyone else’s.
Imagine if I had been trying, unsuccessfully, for years to become pregnant and this baby was our miracle child.
What if I was one of the countless mothers who had to have uterine surgery immediately upon birth, rendering me unable to conceive again?
I could be like far too many young women who are diagnosed with cervical cancer or have emergency hysterectomies before even hitting 30.
Perhaps I experienced such drastic depression and anxiety following the birth of my baby that I know it would be detrimental to my health (and therefore my family) to go through that again.
Or, I could simply be one of the many women who choose to have one child because that is what makes their family complete.
Not knowing which of these women I am, are you willing to play Russian roulette on the off chance you may sway my decision to better match your perception of my reality? I would hope not.
“Only” One Child?
My “single” mom status often robs me of the joy of sharing my daughter’s milestones and accomplishments. I am not a bragger and I try not to dominate any conversation with talk of my kid’s latest and greatest, (I mean, she eats holding a spoon in one hand and scooping up oatmeal in her free hand- I’m not saying she’s rain-man), but when she finally learned all her letters, I was excited! When I taught her to sign, I wanted to talk about how cool that was! But I can’t tell you how many of my “proud mommy moment” stories have been met with, “well, she’s an only child, so…”
So what?? So my daughter’s accomplishments don’t count? My parental successes are negated because she’s an only child? This is my first time creating and raising another human being, and I get pretty flippin’ excited when I do something right! Let me revel in my mommy moment! I am well aware of the fact that she is my only child and I have more time to spend teaching her the alphabet than, say, a mother of 4. But that mom of 4 only had ONE child at some point, and I’ll bet she was just as excited when #1 started walking as she was with #4. (I did my research here- I know a couple of these moms and I asked 🙂 )
A REAL Mom
I became a “real mom” on November 6, 2014. That is not Belle’s birthday. This is the day I found out I was pregnant, and I changed forever. This was the day that I began to put someone else before me.
I wasn’t sure if I would ever get to experience this day and I won’t soon forget it, because I likely won’t experience it again. There is a small window of time after you see those 2 pink lines where you are the only one who knows the good news. I remember sitting for just a few minutes and thinking. Praying. Just experiencing that moment and trying to rationalize the fact that I had a life inside me. Everything flashed through my head. I thought about the medical concerns, I worried about what I had been eating (or drinking…), I wondered what I needed to change to stay healthy, and on and on. That’s when you become a mom. And selfish? Well, there’s no one else on the planet who I would give up both coffee and wine for, so there’s that.
It’s All Relative
Everything is relative, right? Well, my only point of reference is my own mother: a mom of two girls, four years apart. She was loving, strict, and consistent. My mom valued time spent together and responsibility. (And chores 🙂 ) We never got everything we wanted but we always knew we were loved. Now 21 months into parenthood, I am loving, strict (as one can be with a 1.5 year old), and consistent (as one can be with a 1.5 year old). We spend as much time as possible together, and I even transferred from a school I loved to be closer to home and have more time with her. Belle does not get everything she wants, but still comes running to me when she needs some love or reassurance. Hopefully this means I am doing something right.
As a teacher, I devote a decent percentage of my life to other people’s children. I love teaching, and, after my own daughter, it is the reason I wake up in the morning, my purpose in life. Learning how to balance teaching with motherhood is a daily juggle, and as soon as I think I am good at it, I am reminded otherwise. Whether you are a working mom, a SAHM, a mom to triplets or a mother of an only child, you are a REAL mom. Trying to balance life with motherhood requires REAL effort, REAL sacrifices, and REAL humility.
Yes, there are many teachers/working moms who have multiple children at home. Does this make you a better mom? No, it makes you a busier mom. I work with dozens of awesome mothers and I respect the sacrifices they make for their families. On the flip side, I have taught children who have several siblings, and I was the closest thing they had to a mother. Having more children does not make you a better mom. (It does give you more practice!) It simply makes your motherhood experience different than mine. Don’t discount my only experience simply because you have had more.
Having only one kid is easy? Nope, having zero kids was easy.
Parenthood is hard, life changing, and uncharted territory. As a “single” mom, I have no other children to compare to, and no experience to bring to the table. Your first child, whether it is your only child or the first of many, is a difficult ride. You are flying the airplane as you build it!
If you have 4 kids, people ask if it was planned, if you have 1 kid, people ask why you don’t want more. If you don’t have any, they ask why not. I am not sure what the magic number is, but for my family, it is 1. We are a happy, healthy, family of 3. Plus a beagle.
Lucy, the beagle
Happy Mother’s Day
Moms are all perfectly imperfect. We love in the purest form, yet we struggle to get it right every day. As Mother’s Day approaches we need to lift each other up, celebrate each others successes, and empathize with each other’s failures. Every day I wish I could do something over. I think I probably have that in common with all of those “real” moms out there. We are all blessed to be called “Mommy,” whether you have only one tiny human calling you that, or more.
I am a real mom, and I know it’s too early in the game to call it- but so far, I think I’m a really good one.
I would love to hear your “single” mom stories, share your experiences with me in the comments, or shoot me an e-mail! Remember, we are all in this together 🙂 ~ Ashley
Very well said! I’m sorry that someone’s words were that harsh/cruel. You truly are a very special person – inside and out! We are truly blessed to have you in our family! Love you lots 🙂
Aw shucks 🙂 Thank You!
You are the best mom I know! Thanks for sharing.
Next to you! Thank you, I love you!
Wow what a lovely post! I think sometimes people are ignorant or just doesn’t think what they are saying. Sometimes they say anything just to say something. And sometimes they have an opinion that they want to force down on you or make you feel guilty. I believe every person is different and the needs of every one is different. You have to do what is right for you and your family. There are advantages and disadvantages to everything and you make your choice. It is a pity that some people have the right of opinion over everything and everyone, hurting people in the process.
People can be crazy! Only one of those comments was said in a negative way, but it has made me more aware of my judgement of others’, too. Everyone has a story and we should respect their decisions. Thank you for your support!
I think you are around some opinionated know it all women(men) like one woman said up there ,some people just listen for their next turn to speak and we shouldn’t put value into these advisors. I am an only child ,a girl at that ! I hear all the siblings talk about rivalry’s and bonding and excitement of growing up with a brother or sister or 8 🙂 and guess what…? I envy not a one . I feel so loved by my mother,protected and special ,I always have …what you are giving you’re daughter is rare and so amazing for you ,for her Dad and especially for her. she’ll have cousins for those “lonely” moments in life and friends were created for just those moments ;)so KUDOS!! I wish I’d only had one ,often. Take care
Thank you so much! I love hearing from only children- it warms my heart to hear that you had such a wonderful childhood and don’t feel deprived of siblings. Thank you!!! ❤️❤️
Being an only child myself I fully agree with this. My mom was absolutely amazing . She is my best friend and we do everything together. I wouldn’t trade it for all of the brothers and sisters in the world. You are the cutest mom!
Oh I am glad to hear from an only child! That is very encouraging to hear. She will most likely not have a sibling, so I am hoping that our relationship will be a close one, too! Thank you!
I’m sure it will be!! I got very lucky:)
Love this post! Agree with everything you said here. Regardless of how many kids you have, 1 or 5, you are a mom! And it’s hard to take care of one as much as it is to take care of 5.
Belle | One Awesome Momma
Thank you! I love your name by the way 🙂 My daughter’s name is Belle- hence the name of my site 🙂 Yup, being a good mom is not based on the number of kids you have.
I am mom to one too! I never imagined I would be, but the time never seemed right to try for another. My little girl is almost 9 now, and she would still struggle with a sibling due to the nature of her complex needs, plus I cannot imagine starting all over again now either. We are all happy with just one child. My family feels complete. People who judge will judge no matter what. But in reality it just shows their ignorance, they have no idea. Understanding, acceptance and celebration of our differences is so much better!
Everyone has a story, we are where we are for a reason. Sometimes the universe has different plans than we do, I guess. Right now, we are a family of 3 and we feel complete and happy. Thank you for sharing your story!
Yes! Finally, someone said it. This exactly captures my thoughts on this matter. I have one perfect child and I don’t know if we will have another. I don’t know if we want another. And, frankly, that is my family’s decision to make!
Bingo! It is no one else’s decision! Enjoy your perfect little family 🙂
This is a great article, and very true. I am a single mom currently, but planning for more down the road.
Being from a family of 13, I have the complete opposite perspective as you, although it’s funny how similar the experiences are. You get, “how come you only want one?” While I always have heard, “why did your parents have so many?” I would imagine your frustration is probably the same frustration my own mom experienced.
It’s funny how people judge whatever they percieve to be outside of normal.
You know what, I almost mentioned something about the other side of this- when you have a lot of kids- but I was already pushing 1800 words hehe. Plus, that is not my experience so I stuck to my personal perspective. BUT, a close friend has 4 and often is asked if her youngest was an “oops,” and he was not! It is all so crazy to me! Why is that ok? People are crazy 🙂 Thank you for sharing your story!
I am also a ‘single’ mom, so I can relate 100% to everything above. My daughter is now 6, so I’m definitely used to all of the comments. We have even struggled with giving her a sibling (my husband and I both come from large families). But ultimately the decision is ours and that is to remain a family of 3! Don’t let anyone take away from you your joys as a mom, you are no less of a mom and your child’s accomplishments are no less amazing!
You are awesome thank you for sharing your story! It is nice to know I am not alone. High-Five for the families of 3! 🙂
Love this! Now, my son is only 10 months old (well, he will be on Easter), but my husband and I are perfectly content with one child. Unless God has another plan, Christian will be it. I hate the looks and comments we get when we say we don’t want more. Even from my own family! And I hate it when people say, “you only have one?” Or, “just one child.” There is nothing “just” about it. Thank you for writing this. It’s nice to know there are other mom’s like me!
Oh I am so glad to hear that I am not alone! That “just” is what kills me. We are in the same boat- if God gives us another, we will be happy, but otherwise we are quite content. Enjoy your little boy and happy 10 months!
I can’t believe some of the comments you have heard! I’m so sorry- I didn’t even know this was a thing that people with one child had to deal with. I guess I shouldn’t be so naive though because you get some weird comments no matter how many kids you have. I have two and people are constantly either asking when the third is coming, or if I mention wanting a third, telling me how crazy I am lol. I guess it’s a lose-lose situation no matter how many you have! People will always be nosy and give you their unsolicited opinions. Happy Mother’s Day to a REAL mom 😉
Thank you 🙂 People are crazy, right?! Someone commented on my facebook page about “Mommy Shaming.” That’s exactly what it is and it needs to stop! Happy Mother’s Day to you, too!
I think I started feeling guilty as a mum on day one. You put so much pressure on yourself already, so for other to stick put their own two cents in is really uncalled for. I have two boys and people are always saying “Oh, you’re probably trying for a girl”? No, I’m quite happy with just two boys thank you very much!
Haha my mom said she always heard the opposite! As a mom of 2 girls, they asked about a boy. I agree with you about “mom guilt” it begins day one! We are always wondering if we are doing the right thing. I think that’s the mark of a good mother, though. We may not always get it right, but we are always trying our best!
Lovely! We have three kids and people ask us if they were planned and my sister has one and people ask her if he was planned. I wish people would say something kind instead of these questions about what is too little or too many. No one number of children is everyone’s number. Sounds like you’re a great Mom and that little girl is lucky to have a strong Momma.
Thank you for your sweet words! I like that line, “No one number of children is everyone’s number.” So true! Thank you for sharing your story with me! Good to know I am not alone 🙂
What a thoughtful and insightful post! You are an amazing mom – I can tell just by what you wrote here. We did decide we’d like a second child, but for a long time, we thought we would not have any more after my son was born. I struggled a lot with the newborn days and some PPD. It stung when people asked when we’d have another, when we’d make him a brother, etc. Right now, it stings when people ask because we recently suffered an Ectopic pregnancy. Every mother is a mom, whether you have one kid or ten! <3
Thank you so much, I really appreciate those words! You are exactly the reason I wrote this- there are many women who have endured so much just to become a mother and every time you hear those words come out of a person’s mouth, it hurts. A friend of mine had an emergency hysterectomy after her first-they had planned on having more. I wish I could just say to people, “THIS is my happy! Accept it!” 🙂 Thank you for sharing your story with me, I think you have to be very strong just to talk about it. You sound like a wonderful mom, too!
I love this and can relate. In fact I just wrote an article about the good and the bad when it comes to raising an only child. There are times when raising only one is harder. It also can be harder on the child. Sometimes I admire the ones who have been blessed with several children. But, there are times when I know first hand that raising only one is just as hard, if not harder.
Agreed, I am in awe of so many mothers (some have only 1, some have many!) We all have our challenges no matter what our family is made up of. Of course, there are just as many great days! Thank you for sharing your story 🙂
Same boat! I have a toddler son and he will be my only one. Sometimes I start to wonder if I’m missing out but I know that another child would be very hard on my family.
Thanks for sharing
Everyone’s journey is different 🙂 I am glad to know that I am not alone. Thank you for sharing your story!
You are not alone! Only child here only having one child! I’m perfectly happy with my little, no need for another.
Ashley, this post made me so mad. I’m so sorry that those cruel words were said to you. I understand people want to see your family grow, but your uterus isn’t anyone else’s business? It’s not the end of someone else’s world if YOU decide that you only want one child! Everyone has different wants, needs, and goals — some people want to birth basketball teams. You sound like an amazing mom! Your daughter is so lucky to have you! And you are very lucky to have her! ❤️
Oh thank you! Yes, I am very lucky to have my munchkin 🙂 Right now, we are just grateful to have her, enjoying our time together as a family, and it will most likely just be the 3 of us forever. I like your line, “Your uterus isn’t anyone else’s business!” That’s exactly right, girl! Thanks for the support and encouragement 🙂 By the way, I have read a few of your posts this week, and I really enjoy your writing!
I don’t know why some people have to judge mothers so harshly for their choices (or circumstances-even worse). It’s totally fine that you have only one child…Siblings can be nice for kids but it’s not a tragedy for children to grow up without them. I was an only child on my mom’s side and frankly I think I would have been less damaged if I hadn’t had the half-siblings in the picture.
Anyway, let me tell you: When you have multiple kids, the younger ones learn from the older ones…they actually make that part of it a little easier. Other things are harder, but that part is a little easier so I have no idea why those women are saying those things about your child’s accomplishments. Be proud mama!
Thank you for sharing your story! I know -there are so many different factors to consider with multiple children, and we never know the story behind a family, big or small. I have often thought about how things would be with a sibling for Belle, but I know that is not in the cards for us right now. I really appreciate your support!
So true mama! There are so many scenarios that could be hurtfully brought up when people ask about only having 1 child. I think age and maturity makes people think about this. We need to stop comparing and celebrate each other and whatever stage we’re in.
Totally agree! I’ve definitely done my share of judging in my time, but now that I am a mom I really try not to because we all have “those days’ and our own stories. Thanks for your support 🙂
I so love this post. You have said everything I wanted to say as a SINGLE mom. I felt incredible guilty by society and religion for not wanting to have another child. But the postpartum depression that I went through, my health, my age (i am above 45) and my child’s health condition are the reason I make this choice. And I feel that I don’t need to explain to everyone about this choice. I got all these comments all the time..believe me. It hurts a lot. I never feel that I am less as a mom for having only one child. I quit my job too and give up almost everything I love in the past to raise her. And I get people’s eyes rolling when they found out I have to quit my job for raising ‘ONLY’ one child.
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for sharing this. I am amazed at what you have been through, you sound like a wonderful mom. It’s crazy that people insinuate “only” one child is an easy job. There are so many variables… I am so sorry that you have experienced this, but know that I am there with you and understand. We all have our reasons for choosing (or accepting) the type of family we have. I am proud of the mom I am and I’m glad to see you are, too! We can’t let anyone dampen our spirits, but some days it’s hard not to let the comments get to you.
My face was smilin’ throughout the entire read. I’m also a parent of a singleton and we love it. Some of the questions and comments that come out of people’s mouths have been amazing. I just think that it’s a reflection of what they’re dealing with rather than internalize it.
Very true, it is THEIR problem, not ours! Some days it is hard, though. (Hence these 1800 words hehe)
you’re gorgeous, and it shows..continue to inspire. success always to you, am full of admiration.
Thank you very much, I really appreciate your encouragement!
I got those same questions and same looks! Nobody can judge you on YOUR decisions that are right for YOU and YOUR family. You go mama!
Agreed!!! Thanks, You tell em’ mama!
I always thought I’d want to have 3-4 kids but my husband and I seriously aren’t sure yet if we want to have a second child. It took us several years to get pregnant (and our 8 month old wasn’t an easy newborn) and so we are soaking in this season. If we do have another it’ll be several years. People have lots of opinions on parenting and the stigma that only children are selfish is mostly parent related. There are plenty of selfish kids with siblings!
Some of the best kids I have met have been only children! I honestly think it’s more about the environment and parenting than the number of siblings that determine a child’s personality. What you choose for your family is the right choice. We can’t let others’ get in our heads (like I did haha!)!
Yes you are! My husband and I always said “one or none” I think that what you do with your family/how many kids you have is no one’s business. I think those things every time someone asks us why we don’t have kids yet. One of my best friends had her uterus removed at 28. She will never be able to have children. People ask her and she all but breaks down and cry. Good for you for knowing what you want and loving on your sweet family. (we have a beagle too, so I kind of love that you included it).
You sound like my kind of girl, what with the beagle and all hehe 🙂 Seriously, though, comments like that can be hurtful, you just never know what someone has been through. Or, crazy idea, perhaps their family is the way they want it! Thank you for sharing!
I found this post really interesting, especially coming from the point of being someone who has a sibling. I’m always curious about why people only have one child, your post was really insightful and I know your daughter will be loved and cared for loads despite having no siblings!
Thank you so much, I worried about it coming off wrong! We are all good mothers, no matter how many kids we have. I have one sister, so I was actually a bit worried about having only one child, but I know right now that is our plan. There are so many reasons people have only children, but often folks don’t realize how invasive and difficult their questioning can be. Thank you for sharing your story!
My daughter will be my only child, and as a divorced, single mom, I can look at my situation and think about how lucky I am to be able to focus the time I do have with her (now that it’s not every day) on only her. It wasn’t part of my plan, but I’m embracing it. I think she’ll turn out just fine 🙂
I look at it the same way. I am blessed to be able to devote all of my available time to my daughter, and I am so grateful for that! I am sure that both of our little girls will be just fine 🙂 FYI- I have read a few of your posts and I LOVE your writing style and the idea for your whole blog!
People are mean and often speak from their own regrets; if you have one or one hundred, you ARE a mom, and I am willing to be a very good mom! More isn’t always better, what matters is that you love your child. God bless you. I am visiting you from Blogging with Heart
Thank you this is a very sweet response I appreciate the kind words! I like that line, that often people speak from regret. I am so happy in my decision and just living the life I’ve been blessed with!
You are an amazing woman and mom! I can’t believe people have actually said that you aren’t a mom until you have your second child… excuse me!? I am just appalled! People are just crazy and if they aren’t asking “why aren’t you pregnant yet” then they’re asking “don’t you want more kids.” Then when women have more kids, the “was your last baby an accident or a surprise baby?” Geeze…people need to mind their own business and stop the mom shaming. You do what’s best for your family and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! 🙂
Woohoo ditto to everything you said!
As an only child I think there is NOTHING Wrong with only having one!!! I was able to have some AMAZING opportunities in life I would not have been able to have had I had siblings. There are days I wish I had siblings but I also am fortunate to have a wonderful relationship with my parents because of it!
Thank you I am glad you shared that. It helps to hear from only children to know that everyone turns out just fine, no matter their family size! It’s the love that counts 🙂
I’m an only child of an only child and I myself have an only child. People have said to me everything they’ve said to you and more. My personal favourite is, “You’re an only child? Wow, you don’t seem weird or social awkward at all!” Thanks. . . I guess? We’d have more if we could, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening, and even if we didn’t want any more that’s our choice. There are some awesome things about raising an only child!! You can take them more places because it’s cheaper and/or you only have one person to take. You’re also able to more easily afford more after school activities. I’m a music teacher and I literally would not be one if I wasn’t an only child. Just make sure you plan more socialization activities than maybe the next mom would and you’ll be fine. The only part when being an only child sucks is when your parents die. 🙁
Thank you for sharing your story! I remember in college during a child psych class we looked at family dynamics and there was a “positives” and “negatives” chart about having more than one child. The biggest negative I notes was the lack of support when your parents pass away. It is definitely a worry, but I just hope that she grows into a strong, able woman and that we will have a full life of memories for her to draw upon. On the flip side, my mother had a brother but he passed away at 26, so despite her not being an only child, she still has to deal with aging parents alone. There is no perfect answer, I think it is just boils down to what is best for your family. Thank you for sharing!
I really needed this. I’m the youngest of 2 siblings and they both have 2 children each. They are constantly nagging and pressuring me to have “another one, just because” and it honestly does not make sense to me! My daughter is perfect in every way. Being a parent to ONE child comes with it own set of challenges and I can’t imagine going through everything I went through during and post pregnancy again! My husband and I feel so complete with one! Thank you for sharing your story!
That makes me so happy to hear! I had to get it off my chest. Your family is YOUR business, no one else’s. Enjoy your little girl and the joys of “single” parenthood! Thank you for sharing your story with me 🙂
I have a cousin that is an only child. In her case, she has 7 cousins to be there for her.
Aw that’s awesome! I have no cousins, but I always wanted some!
My husband is an only child and he loved being the only one (and is SO close to husband parents). I can totally see the benefits to it!
Pros and Cons to everything, right? Each family has it’s own “perfect” and we should celebrate that. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
I only have one child, it’s what’s best for our family. We don’t have any support and it would have been our braking point i’m sure. Now that i’ve been diagnosed with epilepsy i’m even happier with our decision. No one should pressure anyone else into more children.
Thank you for sharing your story with me, Jessica. I think we women know exactly what is right for our family, even when we may not understand it. Your decision sounds like the perfect choice!
I am so sorry that anyone would ever say these things to you! Enjoy your sweet little one, and being an amazing mommy! 🙂
Thank you, I really appreciate the love!
Just sent this to my mom! My mom had me very young and always was in competition it seemed like with other moms. When I was younger she didn’t get invited to the bbq, cookouts or dinners because she didn’t have a spouse to bring. The world became very exclusive for her and I and we were almost labeled by everyone.
Wow, thank you for sharing that, and kudos to your mom for making it through. When my mom divorced my dad, she lost many friends and was somewhat “shunned” too. The stereotypes and expectations are ridiculous, there is no “right” way to have a family. Even if it’s not the way you planned (is it ever?) it is your story and NO ONE should make you feel lesser for it!
Just read your blog about being a “single mum”. Amazing! I too have had similar comments from people who don’t know my situation and so has my older sister who is also a “single mum”. She had someone ranting to her quite recently about her choice to only have one child. Comments such as “an only child is a lonely child”, “only children grow up to be weird and socially awkward”. I am appalled by these comments that people feel are acceptable to make, the judgements that people make and I’m annoyed with myself when I feel I have to explain my choices to people and justify our choice to have one child. I feel extremely lucky and blessed to have such an amazing four year old boy. Thank you for your blog, it made so much sense.
Thank you for sharing your story! I really appreciate the camaraderie ❤️ I cannot believe the things people say, and it is very frustrating to constantly justify our decision but I’m meeting more and more people who are choosing to only have one child and it’s been so nice to know I’m not alone!
Thank goodness for your post. Our only and most precious baby is about to turn one, and as we know she is our only, it’s so bittersweet, watching each transition and milestone. Other parents, friends and family don’t get it at all, despite us being very open about our journey, and so we find ourselves withdrawing from these people, because why on earth do we need to justify ourselves? Your words summed up how it is for us, and i’m So pleased to have read them when I did!
That makes me so happy to know that you read something that brought you some peace- writing it brought ME some peace of mind, too! 😜 Thanks for sharing your story- I understand what you mean about savoring each milestone. Sometimes I get emotional knowing that I won’t get to experience these things again, but I think that makes me a lot more present. It’s not easy!
I love this!!!! I have a 10 year old son and allllll of my friends keep asking when are u having baby #2? Or your son needs a sibling .. my simple reply is are u going to financially take care of it if I have it? Or quit your job to watch it while I work? No? I didnt think so. I will have another child when I am ready, until then I have enjoyed my son fully with undivided attention for 10 awesome years and I would not change that.
That’s awesome! The financial issue was definitely a big factor when we were planning our family. I would rather give 1 child a very good life than give 2 or more (that I really can’t afford ) a so-so upbringing. Thank you for sharing your story with me!
Hi, I am a mother for 7 year old DD and everyday I listen to these questions.
The worst question was “when you die your daughter won’t be having anybody to share her feelings “. That day I felt really bad like why people can’t mind their own business.
I am very happy with my daughter and our family is comple.
That comment sits so wrong with me! I’ve heard it, too, but simply having siblings doesn’t make life easier. Stay strong and know you are not alone! Your decision was made for a reason.
Hai ,
I have got a slightly different situation here…. N lot of disagreements with the little society arround me. I have a six years old daughter. She’s got congenital heart problem…. And doctors have been predicting her life span very short… She does get few scaring symptoms frequently..she does have healthy days too… she’s just started taking her first step without support. So everyone suggest for a second one… But do not want to divide my attention and love to give the best to her… Can you please give your opinion…. thank you 🙂🙂
Oh my goodness, what an incredible journey! I will definitely keep your sweet girl in my prayers. Of course, it’s different for everyone, but I’ve always believed that I would know in my heart if it was right for us to have another baby (if we even could). I think if you and your family feels fulfilled with what you have- you’re done! Often it’s societal pressures that sway our decisions, but this one is extremely personal. Your daughters medical concerns are an important point to consider when making that decision but if you feel compelled to add to your family, then that’s ok, too! It doesn’t matter the number of kids, but the family unit ❤️
Luv this! Im a one daughter child too! This story really hits home!
Hey there! Thanks for reading- glad to meet another “single!” 😊
Our daughter is two-and-half, and we have been holding off the “when are you having another” questions since she was 6 months old with a smile that gets tighter all the time.
But what we’re not sharing openly with the family and well-meaning “friends” yet is that we think we’re done with one. Motherhood has been a hard adjustment for me, and I love it and my daughter dearly, wouldn’t trade this for anything…but i also love this family. And my husband. And being a couple with him, and having some energy and time saved for him and for us to just be “us”…and i want to be one of those happily married couples who enjoys each other still in 20 years from now when we’re empty nesters…and I don’t think it’s selfish to know my limits and plan accordingly…
We literally had the same conversation the other day! I feel complete, I love my daughter more than anything, but I also want a full, complete life with my husband. I don’t think it’s selfish, just how we want our lives to go. I do believe society has shifted to this “children first” mentality that it’s essential you have more than one for their sake, but it’s simply not true. Since writing this piece, I’ve met so many only children who’ve said they loved their upbringing and relationship with their parents as only children(just read through these comments!) and I’ve felt a lot better about my decision. We haven’t made the big decision yet- the vasectomy- BUT I feel the exact way you do. We will give our girl the best life we can, and maintain our (no less important) relationship. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! ❤️ it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
I too struggle with comments about our choice to only have one child. I suffered through some severe undiagnosed post partum depression. This is a huge reason why we chose to stop at one but not the only reason. It just feels right, the three of us!
I had a similar experience, and there is no reason to explain to anyone- if it feels right, it probably is 😊 Thank you for sharing your story with me! It really helps to hear from others in the same situation.
I am so emotional reading this post. My daughter is 3.5 and we have had two miscarriages. It took us a while to conceive our daughter and it’s now taking us quite a while to get pregnant again. My husband and I have had many conversations about our daughter being our only. I am too in awe of the amount of people who continue to make us feel bad about having only one. “You have to give her a sibling”….”it’s so mean if you leave her as an only child” are the most popular. I find it the hardest at work when teacher comment on students who are ONLY CHILDREN. If they are not social (“oh they must be an only child”) or if they aren’t getting along with someone (“oh they must be an only child”) or they are over-prepared and on the ball (“oh they must be an only child”). It is so hard to listen to. The only child can’t win. Our society has definitely not embraced the only child and the question of “are you having more children” is actually more invasive than people realize. I try my best to ignore, but I find that being honest with people has been eye opening. I will often say now that “I have had 2 awful miscarriages and we are happy with one”, makes people step back a little. I hope I find the peace and confidence you seem to have. I really appreciate you writing this and sharing it.
Oh my goodness I’m getting emotional reading THIS! Thank you for sharing your story. It’s crazy what people will say! First of all, I cannot imagine what you’ve been through in regards to your miscarriages. I pray that you have continued peace, because I know that is a process of healing. I completely agree with you about how only children “just can’t win,” and it’s incredibly frustrating. On a positive note, I have taught a number of only children and they have all been awesome kids- completely busting the typical “only child” myths. It’s made me feel better meeting so many kids and parents who are totally happy with their 3 person families. 😊. If you have a minute, skim through the comments here- I’ve met so many women who ARE only children themselves and LOVED their upbringing and close relationship with their parents. We are fortunate to be able to give our only kiddos all the love we have, and there is NOTHING wrong with that- no matter how you look at it! ❤️
I am so glad I came across this post. I know I am a little late to the game, but this reached me in a way you will never understand. I recently turned 20, and my husband passed about 2 months ago. I am finishing up college, and I speak about my son all the time. Since I still wear my ring, I get so many questions like “This is a great time to have a baby! The age gap between your son and their sibling will be small!” or “When is number 2 coming?”. These comments sting because my soulmate is dead. It’s not a matter of fertility or it being “right” for my family, it’s just that I have no desire to have another life partner, let alone another child with someone other than my late husband. I never envisioned this for myself, my husband and I had discussed having multiple children. But now, it’s just the way I want it. And I can’t handle the comments. I wish people could respect us “single” moms, regardless for whatever reason we are one!